Thar be Monsters: The Dreaded Horseshoe Crab

All of the world's most terrifying, evil, and stinky creatures live in the sea. Since the sea is so incredibly filthy, a terrifyingly wide array of hideous creatures and assorted monsters have evolved in its depths.

Not least amongth these is the horseshoe crab. The horseshoe crab is incredibly dangerous. Its shell is bullet-proof, it is also fire-retardant and capable of surviving a six megaton atomic blast. The horseshoe crab is also equipped with a powerful tail spike capable of punching a hole in the armor of a tank. This same tail spike can also fire a powerful laser beam from its tip. Horseshoe crabs can also combine into incredibly voluminous conglomerate monsters.

The horseshoe crab's only weakness is human hair, and they are only vulnerable to it on their undersides. This makes it impossible for them to walk on any ground covered in it. This fact was discovered in World War I when the United States attempted to use horseshoe crabs as a stronger and more stylish substitute for traditional helmets, which were made out of turtle shells.

This fact is also believed to be what saved ancient Egyptian civilization from ruin when horseshoe crabs destroyed much of the ancient world. Because it was quite difficult to maintain a lush, green lawn in ancient Egypt, Egyptians took to using dyed hair clippings as an inexpensive, low-maintenance substitute. The strange coincidence is the very thing that saved them from the overwhelming destruction suffered by neighboring regions and turned back the tide of the Great Crab Invasion.