The Sea, And Why You Are So Afraid of It.

Since Steve first wandered to the shore and gazed upon the ocean, man has asked the questions, "What is the sea? Why am I so afraid of it?" and, "Why does it taste so bad?" The answers to these questions have remained illusive for most of man's history. Worry not for I know them all.To attempt to answer these questions one-by-one would result in much redundancy. I would be repeating myself, just saying the same thing over and over and over, reiterating reasons from previous questions, restating issues that I had already covered, and using excessively excessive language to give you scant paltry few facts. Let us avoid such things by first ending this paragraph now.There are basically two types of people in the world, those who believe that there are basically two types of people in the world and those who do not. (Pause now, my friend, to let the true genius of this statement sink in.)

In a similar fashion, all things and non things in the universe can be sorted in to two categories, "the sea", and "not the sea". "The sea" is basically everything that is not "not the sea". This mostly includes things that are not "not water," not not "dead fish," not "not treasure," not "not pirates," not "not Vikings" and not "not the Titanic."Scientists have found that there are two main factors which cause the sea to be so disturbing. The first is that the sea is full of dead things, just rotting away like meat in a grocery store, in a town overridden by zombies, on a hot summer's day when none of said zombies are really hungry or energetic enough to eat said meat, so instead they're just lying around. The second is that every creature in the ocean urinates, defecates, and fornicates in the ocean. These two factors have been found to be equally disturbing by the most sensitive equipment that science is currently able to produce, though some people may find one to be more disturbing than the other. Scientists agree that the sea is the closest thing there is to "hell on Earth*." There is a reason that life came up out of the ocean to dwell on land. It is because the ocean is a giant cesspool.* Aquahell was originally considered as a name for the Atlantic ocean.